Le Sharqe

All of your questions are connected, so I'll answer them together.

I cried reading it. It brought up a lot of emotions - growing disbelief, surprise and others that I will try to explain here. I feel unworthy of what you said, and I honestly thought that, back in the past, getting to know me online and being half a world away clouded your judgements on times when you've told me this before, but I don't have that excuse now. It makes me feel more than a little stunned to know that this is what you see when you look at me. You're making me face the fact that although I may have a very poor opinion of myself and always felt that others have a poor opinion of me as well, it doesn't not apply to everyone. Yes, I have issues with my weight and body image, and I've always felt that others do too. I also know that if people look beyond that, they will not mind, but it was still difficult for me to accept myself. I know you honestly mean what you say, and I accept that. I felt so touched reading it. And also a little amused - I have forgotten how obsessed I was with Ogeechee. Thank you for reminding me.

I don't really like what I see in the mirror. Mostly it's due to the extra weight that I carry around. I know I'm not ugly, and I suppose I could make myself look halfway decent, if not pretty, if I tried to, but most of the time, I don't try because I don't see the point. Emotionally, I close myself off from most people. I build walls around myself to avoid getting hurt. I make myself believe that I am nothing to look at so that it doesn't hurt when others tell me so. I try to accept compliments as graciously as I can, but there's still that niggling doubt that people are just being polite when they tell me I'm beautiful or attractive. That said, I accept what you wrote up there with no doubts whatsoever, because not doing so would be akin to saying that you're lying, and I know you are not. So, thank you. Thank you for making me see that I am beautiful, in your eyes, at least. Like you, I'm being brutally honest here. You should know. You have known me for years.

It's always weird writing this while talking to you on AIM in a nonchalant way. *wry grin* I have to get going now, but I'll ask my own questions later.

Sorry, forgot to put my name above there.
-WILL

1) I did this questionnaire elsewhere for a very good friend, and it got me thinking at I am essentially, a private person, and tend to be vague and reserved in my posts and whatnot. Considering that this LJ is not common knowledge to most of my friends, it means that the people who do have access to this LJ are people that I care about and trust, for most part. Some of them, unfortunately, do not have LJ accounts, which is why it's a 'public' instead of a 'friends only' post.

I am aware that some of the questions that are asked may be difficult for me to answer - refer to above - but I think that through the years, there are some questions that are not asked of me because all of you know of my reserve and my privacy issues. I feel that this is a way for people to get to know me better - as in what makes me tick, why I do things a certain way, what was I thinking?!, etc. Conversely, if someone chooses to bring up an issue that I've been avoiding, well, time to face it then.

Granted, it's not an easy thing for me to do. But I think it might help me learn more about my friends, and of myself. Besides, I'm curious to know what people will ask if they have the chance... and curiousity kills the cat, they say.

Blue just popped into my head when I thought of a colour for you. It's one of my favourite colours, btw. ^_^ I like how calm it is, so I guess I connect you to that. I think of the AMRN, Riverwalk, the Canal and photographs when I think of you... I like the photographs that you take. ^ ^